I am going through something peculiar for me as I have never experienced this sort of spell in my life.
I am going through a phase of unhappiness and sadness, though I wouldn’t say anywhere near depression. Because I am still an observer to all my feelings and emotions with a very strong positive mindset which is fueled by a strong desire and vision for an amazing future which I foresee for myself.
So at one end I am very sure that this is a phase which I am going through and I have all the resources, means, desire, will and energy to change my current scenario and manifest whatever my heart wishes. But very closely on the other end of the same scale I find myself scrambling for the direction, my compass in life.
It is very difficult to write about the struggles you are going through. Oh! By the way if you are struggling to figure out what the hell I am talking about… this is my mid life crisis. And why I am talking about it here coz I can as it is my space, my account and no rules of engagement here.
So where was I? Yes! Mid life crisis. What the heck!.. I been taking a lot of miss steps, bold moves, misadventures which BTW at that moment felt the right thing to do.. by all logic.
I have seen the best of the best times and now this. Something deep ever present in me says “Don’t worry, just observe this phase this time and learn from it”. Trust when I say that I am not at all complaining as I am strictly following a thought that negativity breeds negativity and so is positivity.
I am being very matured, focussed and resilient even when I am saying that I am feeling lost, directionless like someone who has lost his compass/mojo in life.
From a very young age I always had this thought echoed/ etched deep in my conscious that I am meant for something bigger. Still havent been able to figure out. Though that thought has gradually transformed superficially into something different. I want to become a reckoning force to eradicate any sort of helplessness in this world. I want to become love for unloved, happiness for people in disdain. I feel responsible somehow to take it upon myself to start a revolution among people to metamorphose themself into finer, nobler, gentler, honest, caring & ethical version of themselves. No human on this earth should be in pain, not hungry, not helpless. The idea is not to become charitable. The idea is to raise human consciousness to the levels that every being is empowered & enlightened to that idea that he or she is capable of manifesting and achieving whatever his/her heart desire and he can put his mind to it to move mountains.
Not a messiah, but I am willing to wake up common man to be able to live this beautiful life on his own terms, not defined by slavery of the employment, economy and society.
The purpose of this writing or any writing is to share with the world and find gems from the like minded tribe. Maybe sooner or later I am able to find my compass with the help of someone from similar coherent beings of the community who can guide or nudge me in the right direction…